I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
