in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
