I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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