you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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