new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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