I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
