Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
