I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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