i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
