i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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