Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
