those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
