break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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