I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
