omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
