omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
