either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize