Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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