i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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