And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You left your phone here
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