Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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