meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize