He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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