i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
