come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize