I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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