WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
