im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
