people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I did not marry a roomba.
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