You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
