Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
