do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize