Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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