Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
