i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
