also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
