I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
