You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
