I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
