Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
