It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
