no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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