He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
