we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
