dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
