According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
