She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
