you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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