Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
