I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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