Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize