Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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