I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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