I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
