He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
