why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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