they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
