I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
