I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
