Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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